Challenge #10: Personal Tragedy

I originally posted this last Thursday, but Blogger had some issues, and it looks like this post was lost.

We get set into our routines and find comfort in our everyday rituals. Days, weeks, months, and years pass as we live out our lives. Every once in a while, though, we are jolted out our comfortable lives when tragedy strikes. Personal tragedies can be huge, life altering events, or they can be minor inconveniences. Either way, they are a disruption to the flow and movement of our lives having the power to alter the direction we are moving.

Reflect this week on your personal tragedies – big or small, and see how they have shaped and changed your life.

What are some of your personal tragedies? How did you cope? How did you get through it or are you still going through it? How do these tragedies still ripple through your life? What strengths did you find that you did not know you possessed? What lingering fears and doubts still pop up in your life? How do you respond when tragedy strikes?

Remember to share a link to your response in the comments.

Conflict and Dualism

Unearth, 8.5"x12", watercolor pencil and colored pencil on paper

Over the years I have noticed that my art has often followed in dualistic or opposing tracks - i.e. non-representation vs. representational; organic vs. geometric. I have been on a quest to bring such disparate concepts together just as I have tried to bring together the disparate parts of my self - to make myself whole. But at times the concepts must stand alone, and that brings me to two recently finished pieces which richly illustrate this dualism.

Geometric shapes and forms are man-made, smooth, and crisp. As a concept, the geometric echo structures and systems in the human world. As a visual element, the geometric add structure and predictability to a piece. I use geometric shapes and forms in my art to reflect on the nature of the routines and rituals that I go through everyday and to provide structure to the art. I am a creature of habit eating the same breakfast nearly everyday, going through the same morning ritual. My life is structured and scheduled, especially as a teacher where my day is scheduled into periods and classes that meet at the same time everyday. Routines, structures, habits, and systems are very important in my life.

Yet, there is a contrasting side to me and my art.

Organic shapes and forms are natural, uneven, random, and flowing. As a concept, the organic echo growth, spontaneity, and change in the natural world. As a visual element, the organic provide movement and flow to a piece. I use organic shapes and forms in my art to reflect on the spontaneous aspects of my psyche and the ties that I have to the natural world. Though I am a creature of habit and structure, I am open to change, growth, and the accidental. I embrace the spontaneous action, the accidental mark, and the serendipity in life. I look to expand beyond the structures and restrictions of my routines and grow to my fullest potential. Change, evolution, growth are all undeniable parts of my life.

Nest, 6"x9", watercolor pencil and colored pencil on paper

In my art, I dig deep within myself attempting to reconcile these opposing forces into a cohesive whole, or at least to balance the forces of structure and change - of ritual and spontaneity.

I seek balance.

Finding Balance. Sparking Flames

Just wanted to share a journal spread.

Paper Relief

I've been slowly working on new art to get ready for June's Studio Tour. I want to have a variety of pieces for visitors to peruse and hopefully buy, but it has been slow working. Things are extremely busy, but I have found some time here and there to make some smaller pieces which I will be sharing soon.

One piece that I do want to share is an 11"x14" piece (pictured above in process) that I worked on during my Spring Break a couple of weeks ago. Ever since making my first Excavation painting (pictured below) that used paper relief as a structure on which to paint, I've been fascinated by the process, but I haven't had much time to make many of them. With the time over break, I finished the relief part using different materials than I've used before. I used Strathmore Imperial 500 hot press watercolor paper and Golden Matte Soft Gel Medium to create the relief. Both the paper and medium resulted in a smoother surface that I am hoping will work better when I begin applying the acrylic paint. The next step is to lay in the basic colors with glazes of paint. I'll post updates as the piece progresses.

Challenge #9: Perfectionism

In our quest to do anything, whether it is art, relationships, or cleaning the house, a sense of perfectionism can hold us back, cause us anxiety, and consume a lot of time as we work to get things just right. Fear can grip any of us. We worry what others will think, fear that we will not be good enough, compare ourselves to others, and doubt our own skills. The pressure to be perfect in art and in life can stop us before we ever begin or sidetrack us as we go along.

What grip, if any, does perfectionism have on your life? How does it affect you, your art, and your life? Why does it matter what others think? Why is it that you at times feel that you are not enough? Why is it that you can only see your faults and not your accomplishments? What would truly happen if your were not perfect in your art or in your life?

Remember to post a link to your response in comments below.

Car Shopping

I must first start by saying that given that this is a blog dedicated to my endeavors in the visual journal, it may not be the the most appropriate place to write about what follows, but I need a place to share this.

I hate buying a new car, but after 13 and a half years, and 180,000 miles, I decided to get a new car. I gave up my much beloved Honda Civic (pictured above) for a new Honda Fit. Yes, I'm a Honda guy, and the new Fit is a very cool car. But despite loving my new car, I hated buying it. And I think that my pain boils down to one simple fact. Car dealerships are big businesses whose main concern is to make as much money as possible, and for me I do not have the patience for such mentality that places profits over people. Not only do they want your money, they want and waste your time all so that they can try to sell you additions, packages, and plans that you do not want or need. And in doing so, they keep you waiting and eat away at your time without ever going out of their way to expedite the situation. I simply want to go in and buy a car. I want the price to be the price - no extra fees, no extra options, and no games. Just tell me the price and don't try to tack on anything extra.

Over the last week and a half, my wife and I have spent nearly nine hours sitting in two different dealerships, and driving approximately 450 miles in 5 separate trips to the dealerships. I am not fond of car dealers in the least.

My wife and I began our car shopping about a week ago when her car was having its latest bout of issues solidifying its unreliability and signifying that it was time for her to get a new car. So after a little research, we drove to the Honda of Dulles. Let me say that again, Honda of Dulles. (I repeat it because I would not recommend anyone going there to buy a car.)

We spent about and hour and a half there test driving the Fit, completing the credit application, and getting a feel for pricing and such. The sales man and sales manager began to pressure us to leave that night with a new Fit even though we had mentioned several times that we wanted to do some more research and contact our preferred lender to see what they could do. All the while they kept pushing their finance rate incentive saying that we wouldn't have any problem qualifying, but never giving us a definitive yes that we did qualify. We left that night making an appointment for six days later stating that we knew we wanted the Fit, and had every intention of buying one.

Two days later, when my car began having its issues, we decided that it was time for me to get a new car as well. So, we called the dealer, and said that we had every intention of coming in at our scheduled appointment and leaving with TWO new Fits, and we let them know the colors and trim models we wanted. Not once was there a mention of the fact that they either did not have those colors in stock or that they had limited numbers. Also, when we asked for a quote, we weren't given one and were only left with an explanation for their reluctance. Despite these little things, we went to Honda of Dulles filled with excitement about our new cars. But that excitement began to ebb as we spent three more hours negotiating a price and having a preliminary meeting with a finance person only to find out that they had neither car in stock, and could only get them the next day from other dealers. So we went home that night without new cars.

The next day, we called up, and said that we were on a very tight schedule, and that we only had  certain amount of time, I was told to come in early and get the paperwork started and my wife could come in and basically sign the papers, and we'd be all done. Well, I basically sat around for 40 minutes waiting even though I said that I'd be there at 1 PM. My wife showed up just as I was meeting with the finance person, and we figured, OK sign some papers and we're out of here with our new cars. But incorrect information, computer glitches, basic confusion, and reprinting forms again and again because of mistakes led us to walk out even though we were almost done with the paperwork on the first car. Six hours of wasted time - well, actually 11 hours if add in the 5 hours of driving back and forth.

A phone call to Criswell Honda in Germantown, MD, another dealer even further away, got us a slightly better price and they had two Fits in stock that we liked, but only I could go that night. So I drove an hour, and had to go through all the same typical car buying stuff - credit application, trade-in appraisal, and financing. However, with the price already negotiated, Kellie of Criswell, expedited the process.

The only minor thing was when it came to signing all the forms. And this is a criticism of the car dealership business and not of Criswell Honda. Jessica the financing agent was great, pleasant, and moved through things quickly. I was patient knowing that she was required to inform me about these things. But I just don't appreciate car dealers in general trying to get me to buy all of this extra stuff - security systems, extended warranties, road hazard protection, and such - as I am trying to read, understand, and sign the fifteen documents I need to sign. I speculate that they get you in a small room after you have already invested a lot of time and are feeling a bit exhausted with it all, and try to hit you up knowing that many people will say yes to nearly anything if they are weary enough just to end it all the sooner.

But like I said, Jessica was great, and we got everything taken care of for my wife's car. I hope that Jessica didn't feel like I was upset with her or the dealership. I had a lot of residual anger, frustration, and fatigue from the other dealership, and just a lot of frustration with the nature of the process. But I left with my new car (below).

Joanne got her car the next day, but of course, it was a 2 hour round trip. But we quickly signed the papers, and were able to basically jump in her new car and go. So, I am thankful for Criswell Honda for a much better experience. But I still hate car buying.

Perhaps it could be more like computer buying. When buying a computer, you go in, you see the base price for the model that you want to buy and the list of prices for all the upgrades and added features. You have it all laid out for you so that you can quickly compare prices and features. Computer stores will also have some literature to take home or info on their website so that you can make an informed decision. But I guess that if car dealers gave you the information upfront, gave you time to think about it, and didn't fatigue you and pressure you, they wouldn't be able to make money.

So, I hate car shopping, but love my new car.

Challenge #8: Organized and Diorganized

Contemporary life is hectic, and keeping up with the household chores, the responsibilities of work, the emails, the social networks, the text messages, and the phone calls can quickly bury you under a pile of to-dos and must-dos. Take time to reflect on the organization of your life. Think about everything from your mundane, daily routines to you big, special hopes and dreams.

How do you get things done? In what ways do you keep yourself organized (or even disorganized) physically, socially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? What routines and rituals do you use in your daily life to make certain that everything that needs to get done does get done? How do you tackle your daily tasks and plan for those rare and special occasions? When do you throw your plans out the window, and when do you stick steadfast to them?

Reflect on one specific aspect or think about it all in general terms.

As always make certain to leave a link to your response in the comments, and remember that it’s ok to show a work in progress or to simple post a written response.

Operative Words

I have been on Spring Break this last week, and when it started, I had grandiose plans of posting quite a bit to the blog and working more in my journal, but I've been busy working around the house trying to get things ready for June's Studio Tour which has meant reseeding the backyard and cleaning out and painting the garage which I will eventually convert into a studio for the tour. I'll share more in a future post once, I get more accomplished. Nonetheless, I have had little time and energy to post or to journal.

Today is a day off from all the physical work, and I am devoting it to working in the studio and taking care of some neglected work. I wanted to share my response to the Operative Words challenge from a couple of weeks ago. I haven't been able to keep up with my own challenges like I had hoped, and this response isn't complete. But I wanted to share it in progress.

I began this spread by stamping three random, red lines with watercolor soaked string and then writing about a phrase that I had picked out from my Random Word response. I looked over my Palimpsest page and highlighted four words and phrases. "Beneath the surface" stuck in my mind, and I wrote for several minutes. With some editing, this is what I wrote:

Beneath the surface lie our hopes and fears. They swell and undulate deep within and often only show slightly on the surface. Deep currents flow within us. Often we stoically hold our external facade steady and solid as not to give a glimpse of the turmoil that churns deep within. At times it all becomes too much, and the turmoil swells and breaches the surface causing great upheaval and volcanic explosion. Some people carry their fears, emotions, and inner lives close to the surface, cracking waves and explosive upheavals often. Emotions can run high, and they thrive on the drama labeling it as an essential part of identity. Yet the stoic individuals who push the pain and the fear and the happiness down, see this as part of their identities. Calm, cool, and collected or volatile, explosive, and emotional - two sides of the same coin. How deeply do I carry my inner world below the surface?

I then added the red-violet watercolor by tapping and dabbing my paintbrush randomly. After that dried, I added the indigo, red-violet, and umber watercolor pencil in successive layers. I then hatched and cross-hatched with black ink to give the umber shapes more definition so they looked like wholes and cracks in the surface. I then used silver paint marker and black ink to highlight two phrases and the last sentence of my writing. It is this sentence, a question to myself, that has struck me as the most compelling, and my point a direction for finishing this spread or for beginning future pages.

That's the beauty of the journal and of art. There is always more to ponder as one thing leads to another.

Challenge #7: Chaos and Order

Life can come fast at times creating a lot of action, turmoil, upheaval, and chaos. The to-do list gets long, and there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day. For some people, the day is scheduled, compartmentalized, and structured. For others, the day is spontaneous, freeform, and perhaps tumbled together.

How do you deal with order and chaos in your life? Are you structured or spontaneous? Are you balanced somewhere in between the extremes? How do you react when things do not go according to plan? How does it feel when things go just as planned?

Reflect on your tolerance for chaos and your threshold for order, and create a response that echoes the role that each plays in your life. Do you make order out of chaos or chaos from order?

Don’t forget to share a link to your response in the comments.

Random Word

Back in November and December, I read Patti Digh's book Creativity is a Verb, and a word popped out at me in the closing pages. Patti talked about how life is a palimpsest. I had run across the word before, but didn't really know what it meant. Originally a palimpsest was a manuscript page, usually on parchment, that was written on, scraped off, and reused. New writing was written on top of the removed text. Since parchment was expensive and time consuming to produce, old manuscripts were often recycled. Some times, some of the original writing can still be seen. The word "palimpsest" has now come to mean anything with visible layers. Sounds a lot like my art.

So, I began a page in the journal (the left hand page). I looked up "palimpsest" in a dictionary and a thesaurus. I added definitions and related words. A search online led me to several artists, and reading through one artist's statement, I came across the word "obfuscation". Obfuscation is the concealment of meaning in communication by using ambiguous, confusing, or misleading words and phrasing.

In the rectangles, I added some of my own thoughts, and both words have led to ideas for artwork and themes for artwork. Although I began this page months ago, I keep going back and adding to it. The right hand page lists Patti's Creative Commitments and contains the upside down drawing of a Picasso portrait of Igor Stravinsky - an exercise Betty Edwards uses in Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.

I love stumbling upon an idea or word that can spark so much.