A Present for My Readers

One month ago, I declared my resolve to change my life, to become more centered, to reconnect with myself, to be happy. I called this The Change Initiative, and I must say that it's going rather splendidly. I am finding my center. I am finding my calm, and I am finding my balance. Life is such a joy now, and I smile so much more. A lightness has entered me, and I am trying so hard to shine that light onto the world.

As part of that attempt, I have a present for you, dear reader. I'll get to that in a minute. Let me explain what has lead up to this point and to the above journal spread. Back in January, I was feeling an overwhelming need to change my life and to expand my reach. So, I envisioned creating an online workshop centered around the idea of change. A quick search of other online workshops showed me that there had to be a lot of content including pdfs, videos, live chats, and ongoing support. I began to piece together ideas and started to create some content. Well, life began to swing wildly out of control, and the online workshop never materialized (maybe in the future), but I still had a nice document that I had begun. So, I have finished up a 22 page document that walks the reader through the steps that I went through to create the above spread. I photographed a total of 15 steps and wrote up ideas and considerations for each step.

I want to make this short workshop in pdf form available to anyone who would like to have it - my present for all of the support.

Although I document the steps that I took in creating my change spread, I don't want readers to use it as a recipe to make my spread. As with all of my workshops and even with The Journal Junkies Workshop and Journal Fodder 365, I want people to bring their own ideas, techniques, and concepts to the work. I just supply a framework and a peek into how I work.


If you would like a free pdf of this Change workshop, please email me, and I will gladly send you the pdf. As an added bonus I will include a free download of my Change journal spread to the first 30 people who take advantage of this offer.

Please remember that these are for personal use only, and all copyrights apply. No part of this work may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means without explicit, written permission. Under NO circumstances can any part be used for commercial purposes or redistributed in any fashion.



Here's to making positive CHANGE!

Mind: Projecting the Shadow

I have been enthralled with the Shadow as of late, and I devoured The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson. The shadow is an idea that keeps resonating with me, and I am continuing the exploration of my shadow and beginning to understand when I am projecting.

I often sleep walk through life, unconscious of the many motives that drive me, and in this state the shadow thrives. I have stuffed down all those undesirable things and have denied their existence. I have covered over my anger, my fear, and my desires, and I have gone on with life as normal. Though buried in the unconscious, the shadow manifests in many ways in my everyday life, and it finds way to sabotage my peace of mind. I just need to pay attention to these moments so that I can begin to embrace and disarm the shadow. Only then can I find peace and bring a sense of wholeness to my life.

How do I know when I am projecting?

Projection is actually quite easy to spot, and I am amazed at how readily the shadow shows itself when you know what to look for. However, when I am not mindful, the shadow easily stays disguised, but I am learning to recognize its disguises.

I am projecting anytime my temper flairs for the littlest reason and I lash out. I am projecting when I get defensive and I make others wrong so that I can feel right. I am projecting when I blame someone else and feel that it’s “us vs. them”. I am projecting when I am repulsed and disgusted by others or when I feel good at another’s suffering.

It’s all too easy for me to see these reactions as justifiable - as merely reactions to bad situations or bad people. But this is how the shadow stays hidden. It cloaks itself in reasonableness. But these outbursts and gut reactions are indicators of my shadow lashing out and projecting my fears and my anxieties onto others. When I get angry and lash out at others, I am really angry at myself for certain failings and certain feelings. When I get defensive and see the world as “us vs. them” I am justifying behavior that is probably hypocritical. I seem to say, “It’s not me. I’m not that way. It’s them. It’s their fault.” But it IS really me. I AM really that way. When I am repulsed or disgusted by others, I am only projecting my own revulsion and disgust at myself. In all of these cases, I see something of myself in others - something about myself that I do not like, something that I am ashamed of, something that I fear about myself. These are the dark and negative aspects of my shadow.

The shadow’s projection, however, is not always negative. As Robert Johnson says in Owning Your Shadow, we bury a lot of gold in our shadow. We bury a lot of our strengths and a lot of our potential in our shadow afraid to be seen as bragging. We have learned it’s better to be humble, it’s better to dim our brightness then to shine. “Who does he think he is?” and “Don’t get too big for your britches!” are the sentiments of society that often echo in my head. So, I bury these strengths in my shadow afraid to shine, and whenever I am enthralled, inspired, and overwhelmingly drawn to another, I am projecting. Like the negative projection, these are times when I see something of myself in others, but it’s a much more positive. In The Shadow Effect, Debbie Ford says, “Whatever inspires you is an aspect of yourself.” If I am inspired by someone’s amazing creativity, then I see a glimmer of that creativity in myself even though I may vehemently deny and downplay my creativity. If I am drawn to someone who is spiritual and compassionate, those are qualities that I, too, possess even though I may feel myself to be cold and apathetic. If I am inspired by someone’s charm and charisma, I have these same aspects buried inside of me even though I may believe myself to be socially awkward. All of these qualities that attract me and inspire me are aspects of myself that I see in others. I may need to coax them out of my shadow. I may need to develop them to their fullest potential, but they are there. I possess them, and I can shine brightly if I can only fully embrace them.

The key to embracing the shadow is to catch myself at those moments when I am projecting. Then I can shine a light into my shadow and begin to recognize what’s triggering the projection - the darkness and the light. Only then can I become whole.

Body: Revelations About Food

I love food. I always have, and no matter how poor we were growing up, we always had food on the table, even if it was only bologna sandwiches. My mom is a wonderful cook and baker, and her food was always such a comfort.

Because of my love of food, I’ve struggled with my weight, and growing up, I was a bit chubby. Then as I hit adolescence and then adulthood, my weight fluctuated up and down like a yo-yo as I lost and gained weight. Needless to say, I have a few self-esteem issues related to my body and my weight, and a lot of my emotional baggage is tied up in body image and food.

So, I’ve come to understand that many people, myself included, use food not as fuel for the body, but as an emotional release or as a way to fill a void. We use food for so many reasons other than to fuel our bodies. We use it to celebrate. We use it to mourn. We use it to offer our condolences. We use it as a welcome to the neighborhood. We use it as an antidepressant. We use for comfort and satisfaction. And we self medicate with food as we try to fill our emotional emptiness.

For me, food has always equated to comfort, and as I have struggled with my emotional baggage, it has been a constant source of comfort in my life. But it’s a nasty cycle. I would eat to feel comforted, to feel satisfied, and then be disgusted with all that I ate cursing my body and the excess weight. I would wallow in the self pity that I didn’t have the will power - that I couldn’t maintain the lost weight. And I would eat more, gain more weight. Feel worse. At some point, I would lose some of the weight, feel better about myself, but then fall back into bad eating habits as life got unbalanced and more stressful. And the weight would come back, and I’d feel bad about myself again. My life has been a lot of self-sabotage.

As I struggle now to bring positive and sustainable change to my life. I need to free myself of the emotional hold food has on me and use food for fuel not comfort.

As I kid, I loved sugary cereal for breakfast, and as an adult, I lived off bagels. Both of which are mighty tasty, but not very nutritional - high in carbs, low in fat, but also low in protein. Not the best way to fuel up at the beginning of the day.

Since I’ve switched to a more whole-food, plant-based diet, I start my day in a much better way. I still eat cereal, but it’s of my own making, and it’s packed with a lot of nutrition including protein. Using old fashioned rolled oats as a base, I add some nuts, seeds, and fresh fruit that I top with a little agave nectar, cinnamon, and vanilla soy milk for a chewy, sweet yet yummy and hearty cold cereal. I mix a big batch of the oats, nuts and seeds in a resealable container and cut up the fresh fruits each morning - blueberries and strawberries are my favorite.

Here’s my basic cereal recipe:

8-10 cups of old fashioned rolled oats
approx. 2 cups of sliced almonds
approx. 2 cups of chopped walnuts
approx. 1 cup of raw sunflower seeds
approx. 1/4 cup of golden flax seeds
occasionally I’ll add some sesame seeds as well

Challenge #44: Owning Your Shadow

How can you fully embrace both the light and the dark?

When we find peace with the ups and downs we have experienced, we fully assimilate our light as well as our shadow and lead a thoughtful life. There is always conflict, and we always have to make decisions and often choose sides. But if we strive to be fully aware and make the best of our choices, we discover we have the power to be more accepting and tolerant.

Recognize the darkness you have inside, the fear, the secrets, and even the gold, and reflect on how you can embrace all aspects of yourself. In what ways do you deny your darker parts? What are you hiding in your shadow, and who are you hiding it from? What gold do you have buried inside of you? How can you own your shadow and define yourself?

Western Loudoun Artists Studio Tour, June 9 & 10

The 7th annual Western Loudoun Artists Studio Tour is happening in a little more than two weeks, and I'm participating once again this year. Last was my first on the tour, and it was a great experience. I am really looking forward to it this year, and the studio is almost ready - just a little more cleaning, organizing, sorting, and making.

I'll be selling original mixed-media work, drawings, and paintings, as well as prints of selected artworks and journal pages and copies of my book, The Journal Junkies Workshop. And if anyone wants to make me an offer on some old artwork, I'll be happy to get it out of the studio. I'll also have most of my journals available for viewing, and I'll be sharing my artistic process.

If you are in the Northern Virginia area, please come out and visit the studios of talented local artists. I'm stop #18 in Purcellville. Hope to see you there.

Visit the tour website for more information, tour maps, and a list of artists.

Art: Inspiration

A few of my current works in progress

“Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work” - Chuck Close


I’m always asked about how I come up with my ideas and where I get my inspiration. I keep coming back to this quote by painter Chuck Close. I think inspiration is one of the biggest myths about being artist - one of those mysterious notions that artists like to perpetuate. It makes the artistic process more enigmatic.

In part, I blame the Greeks and their idea of the Muses - divine goddesses responsible for inspiring the arts. This idea of inspiration as a divine and external intervention has been perpetuated up until this day. And it keeps a lot of people, even artists, from realizing that they have something unique and valuable to say. Many of us think of the tortured and tormented artist struggling with his or her demons to bring into being the great poem, the grand novel, or the earth shaking painting. Art becomes a cosmic struggle.

But that’s too simple, too overwhelming, and too paralyzing. Waiting for inspiration to strike is like waiting for lightning to strike - the odds are stacked against it occurring. Not that it won’t happen. People get struck by lightning everyday, especially when they’re holding onto a tall metal pole on top of a hill during a lightning storm. The odds go up. Artistic inspiration is like that. If I wait for it to strike, I sit around for a very long time staring at a blank page, canvas, or paper waiting for this divine idea to strike me from the ether. And nothing happens. But just as I recognize the conditions that increase the likelihood of lightning striking so that I can avoid it, I need to recognize the conditions that will increase the odds of “inspiration” striking. I need to set up those conditions.

But still, I don’t like the word. It’s too loaded. And it’s too easy to slough off the complete lack of making as due to the lack of inspiration. Days, weeks, months can pass, and I am still waiting for the Muse to show. It becomes a convenient excuse to pull out in my dry, unproductive times. It is easier to bemoan the fact that I have no inspiration, that my ideas aren’t good enough, and that my ideas are dumb, stupid, redundant, and unoriginal than to actual shut up and get to work.

But what many of us forget at times is that there is no inspiration. There is only the work. If I show up to the studio, to the journal, to the blank page and get to work, the work leads to ideas. The work leads to more work. Most of the time I have no idea what is going to happen. I may have an inkling about color, theme, or shapes - but no fully formed idea where I know exactly what it will be. If that were the case, why make the work. There’s nothing to discover. Nothing to learn. Nothing to excite me. Nothing to motivate me.

But I start with a mark unsure of where it will lead. I start with a color unsure of what the finished piece will be. But that’s the point - not to get caught up in the product. It’s about the process of discovery. If a piece doesn’t feel like it’s going in a direction I like, I may start again or I may embrace this piece as a challenge to overcome. Often, I start several pieces at the same time as I play with variations on a theme. Not all of my beginnings end in finished pieces. Only a fraction do, but the work leads to work. As I work, the momentum builds, and before long, I have, perhaps, a single piece that is working while the others stall. The individual pieces may stall, but the work doesn’t because I’m always working on multiple pieces. I can jump around and do a little something to one piece and a little something else to another. I can come back weeks or months later to those stalled pieces and find a way of resolving them, or I can leave them unresolved if their not working out. It’s all part of my process, and I still have learned and discovered something.

I do have my slow and unproductive periods, and I have my bouts with self doubt and stagnation. But working through those times in the journal keeps me engaged in the making and not sitting around for inspiration to knock on my door. I just have to remember that there is a natural ebb and flow to the art, but it all works out as long as I stay engaged.

Not only must I show up. I have to get to work.

Challenge #43: Standing in Your Shadow

Who is standing in your shadow?

There are people we overshadow and outshine as if life were a competition. It might be a sibling, a colleague, or even a spouse, and these people quickly get lost even though they are important parts of our lives. In order to understand both the dark and light sides of our lives, we must make ourselves fully aware of who is hidden in the darkness. Examine the events of your life to see how you have stepped on others or stolen the spotlight that wasn’t rightfully yours. By recognizing these moments and seeing clearly who was in your shadow, you are able to see both sides of the issues and see how you shine at the expense of others.

What are you most proud of in your life? Did you outshine and overshadow others at the time? Who do you need to lift out of the darkness? What can you do to pull them into the limelight and show them how important they are?

Spirit: Resonance

In its simplest terms, resonance is the amplification of vibrations, and the smallest vibrations can build and build upon each other and have the greatest effects. Just check out the mere act of wind on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge causing its ultimate collapse in 1940. A similar thing can happen to an individual when he or she is doing the thing they most love to do - small things come together and amplify the satisfaction, the rewards, and the results. There is a resonance of the spirit in those moments. Deepak Chopra calls this “align[ing] with the force of dharma,” and though I most often associate dharma with the teachings of Buddha, in its most general sense dharma is “virtue or right living.” Ken Robinson calls it being in your element, and when you are in your element, you feel that you are doing what you were meant to do. For me, these are the moments when I come most alive - when I feel the resonance of the moment and I feel the most connected to the universe.

What resonates with my spirit? What causes that amplification of vibrations within me? What am I meant to do?

As I have mentioned before, art is my core and I am most in my element when I am connecting to my art. I feel completely present, completely at home, and completely at peace when I am making art and it just seems to flow from me. However another aspect of being an artist is sharing my love, my passion, my methods, my madness. In essence it is about teaching. I see my role as a teacher as an extension of my art. It comes from the same creative space.

But not all teaching elicits that deep satisfaction or resonates profoundly with my spirit. I earn most of my living from teaching art at a public high school in Northern Virginia, and unfortunately, in many ways it dims my spirit and doesn’t resonate with me. It is because teaching school is not solely about teaching. There are so many things that dilute the purity of the teaching experience. My educator friends probably know what I mean. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when I come alive, when I see a spark in the eyes of a student, when a young artist “gets it.” But these moments are few and far between.

My spirit really lights up, when I am in a pure teaching experience. At conventions, conferences, workshops, retreats, and seminars where I can share my art, my experiences, and myself, I come alive. It is quite evident when I move people, when there is a dawning in their minds, when something that I share sparks something within them. The feedback is quite instant. Dave and I always have excited people coming up to us after a workshop or presentation and sharing their reactions, and fortunately, they have been overwhelmingly positive. We have also received countless emails about the impact that we have had. This makes it so apparent that what I do is having an impact.

But its not about the accolades, it’s not about selling more books or getting more opportunities (though all of that is good and I’m not discouraging it). It’s all about that sense of being in the moment doing what I feel I was meant to do. It’s about that feeling of being in my element and having an impact on the world. Quite frankly, I am out to change the world, and slowly, I am making a difference. I think of the thousands of teachers, artists, and students that I have impacted, and I think of all the people they have influenced. That is real resonance, and all because I do what I feel that I was meant to do.

What I do is simple, but it resonates with me and it resonates with others. These small ripples spread out amplified by what others do - what others bring to it. As the impact and the effects spread, the world changes, and I know that I am a part of that change.

Mind: Owning the Shadow

I’m an angry person.

That might be a shock to those of you who know me. I have been described as boisterous, loud, and exuberant, as well as quiet, to myself, and shy. I’ve even been described as cerebral and outright goofy, but angry is not something that readily comes to mind when others describe me, and that is simply because I hide it, except occasionally when I lose my temper with my students. I hold in the anger, and unfortunately it gets vented when I am by myself as my temper flairs at the traffic around me, idiotic things that I read on the Internet, and even at my animals at times (though I never kick them). But while I’m around people and until that anger can be released, I boil and seethe. Here lately that anger has been a growing part of my imbalance.

Anger and frustration are part of my shadow - the dark side of my persona where I hide the socially unacceptable parts of myself. Carl Jung first came up with the idea of the shadow when he developed his archetypes. The shadow is where we hide the violent tendencies, the sexual desires, the impulses, and the thoughts that society deems inappropriate and taboo. We all have a shadow, but many of us deny and repress it. We push down this darkness and wear a mask that we present to others. This mask is what Jung called the Persona. It is a flat projection, and it is not who we really are. It is how we want others to see us.

My mask is one of joviality, humor, and good heartedness, but in my shadow is a lot of anger, frustration, fear, and resentment. I hide it there. Bury it there. But as long as I deny it, I can never be whole. I will only be the mask while all these negativities bubble under the surface threatening to crack open the mask.

A few years ago, I read Robert A. Johnson’s Owning Your Own Shadow, and it resonated with me. But in my unbalanced state as of late, it is clear that I do not own my shadow as the anger and frustration have been boiling to the surface more and more. It is a negativity that is wearing on me, and it is clear that with such negativity and hostility, I am not happy. I don’t want to be an angry person whose temper boils over, and I need a change.

I have just begun reading The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne Williamson, and like Johnson’s book, it is really resonating with me. Though I have just begun, one idea has caught my attention. It is the idea of PROJECTION. In the first part of the book, Chopra talks about the shadow and how we live in a “fog of illusion”. He states that the only way to become whole is to acknowledge and accept the shadow. He describes how the emergence of negative emotions such as anger and anxiety are signs that we are projecting our fears and our anxieties onto others. So, when my temper flairs, usually at the selfishness, shortsightedness, and lack of consideration of others, I am projecting the anger that I feel towards myself for those same things.

And to be honest, I can be very selfish, shortsighted, and inconsiderate of others. I am a very solitary person, and it is hard for me to rely on others. I keep to myself, bottle up so much, and cringe when I am imposed upon. Not the best attributes for someone who, at the same time, longs for connection and human contact. And here is where I seek balance and wholeness. This is what this entire Change Initiative is about - a way to become whole.

In my quest for this balance, I must be honest with myself. I must confront these darker aspects of myself. I must learn to see the signs when my shadow lashes out. It is OK to feel anger, frustration, fear, and anxiety, but if I allow them to dominate my thoughts, I cling to feelings of righteousness and superiority - feelings of “us vs. them”. I give into the shadow and perpetuate my suffering. The shadow takes over, and I forget the joy, the happiness, and only resentment and the feeling that “they're out to get me" remain.

I don’t want to be the angry person. I don’t want to feel the negativity, the contempt, the paranoia. I want to be vibrant and vital. I want to exude joy. I want to be content and at peace. I want wholeness and balance I am tired of the shadow running my life. I want to beam with light - not grow dim with the darkness.

Challenge #42: Dark and Light

What do you expose to the light, and what do you hide in your shadow?

We have stories that we tell ourselves and different stories we tell others. Some stories are perpetuated when we tell them over and over again, and others are buried when we tell only certain people. Some of these stories paint us in a positive light and others in a negative light. We all have shameful tales of loss, mistake, and embarrassment, as well as, triumphs that fill us with a sense of accomplishment and pride. Give adequate time to explore both the dark and light aspects of your experiences.

What are your glorious victories? What are your agonizing defeats? Do you give these events equal attention? What stories do you perpetuate? What stories do you bury?