Journal Friday #96: Lost


I’ve been enjoying making time-lapse videos over the past few months of two-page spreads, and they fit great with Journal Friday. But I should note that these videos are not my normal mode of working. When I make them, I spend a couple of hours working on a single spread trying to plot the course of the spread as I work. However, when I work normally in my journal, I sit for a couple of hours bouncing around from page to page working here and there allowing the pages to develop organically and haphazardly. So dedicating two or three hours to a single spread presents a different type of challenge, which is neither good nor bad — just different.

As I sat down to create today’s time-lapse video, I had no idea what the spread was going to be or where it would take me. All I knew was that I wanted to do something a little different — to use colors and techniques that I haven’t used much in my other videos. Things started out smoothly as I used bubble wrap, organic lines of Inktense pencil, and an image transfer, but then I hit a bump in the road.

Things began to go a little awry when I grabbed some plastic canvas and watercolor paint. The effect came out darker than I had hoped, and it just wasn’t how I had envisioned. The spread quickly came to a halt as it veered into an unexpected direction. Of course you don’t see that in the video with the luxury of being able to pause the recording while I contemplated my next move.


I tried to fade the darker brown paint into the page with some yellow watercolor, but things just weren’t going to my liking. I was completely uncertain of where to go next, and I sat for a few minutes finally deciding to add some writing. After a few minutes of debating about whether to write directly on the page or to use tracing paper, I decided on the tracing paper. As a prompt, I turned to how I’ve been feeling lately — something that I hadn’t planned, but it felt right for the page. I have felt rather lost lately, and at that moment, I was a bit lost for what to do with the spread.

So, I wrote about feeling lost — feeling very uncertain of what my next steps should be with my life. For the past two and half years, I’ve been forging my own path after resigning from a 20 year career as an art teacher. I work part time as the manager of a local art center, and I try to dedicate the rest of my time to making art, journaling, and sharing my journey with others here on the blog and on social media. But I am feeling a bit lost right now, and it’s a tad disconcerting. I love the freedom this path has giving me, but it’s been difficult at times. Now is one of those difficult times — a moment when things have ebbed a bit — a moment of uncertainty and a bit of anxiety about where this journey is heading.

I didn’t come to any cathartic conclusion, and the spread is very much unfinished. I do like it more now than I did those moments after I lifted the plastic canvas, and I thought of working more on it. I may do just that in the future, but for now I just want to stand for a moment on this vulnerable patch of lostness and just be here in all of my uncertainty knowing that the universe is always conspiring with us.